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The Returned (Episode 3) – Channel 4, Sundays 9pm

tvIt’s Julie’s turn tonight. Usually I try to be very sparing about what actually happened during the episode in these blogs, but I was soooo excited after watching just now, that that’s not going to happen, so it’s ****SPOILER ALERT*** all the way from here onwards.

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Anyway, we discover in this episode that seven years ago, Julie was the first attempted victim of the underpass serial killer, the one who eats people’s stomachs. (‘They call her “The Appetiser”’, one of the junior policemen cheerfully informs his boss. Charming.)

Julie, whom I have previously given the nebulous moniker of a “health worker” on the grounds that she gives injections to people, is described in the Radio Times as a doctor. Now, I am sure the French have a different health system from us, but even under more socialist strictures, if you lived opposite nosy neighbour from hell, the bosomy Miss Payet, and had the doctorly salary to get you out of there, wouldn’t you go for it?

Julie has a acquired a weird little boy, Victor, who followed her home through one of the late, murderously lit nights. After an early half hearted attempt to give Victor up to the police to sort out, she has chosen to look after him herself, despite him being a weird little kid. He falls out of windows and lands up unharmed. He doesn’t talk and produces some very scary drawings, depicting scenes that look very similar to poor Julie’s underpass escapades.

What Victor’s connection is with the crime is anyone’s guess – seeing that all The Returned come back at the same age, he can’t, for example, be an unborn child of Julie’s who perished in the attack.

Besides which, seven years ago, Julie was hanging out at fancy dress parties with the nice looking policewoman on the investigation. Who was the first to volunteer to re-interview Julie in connection with the latest crimes.

Julie was less than welcoming, and it wasn’t only because of the problematic presence of Victor either. “You never came,” she raged as she stood in the doorway in a sexy towel. “In the seven years, you never came.”

The nice policewoman said that she had thought it was Julie who didn’t want her to come. Was there hope for a reconciliation and some sexy towel action? Julie didn’t think so, and closed the door.

Noooo! Julie! Don’t turn her away! She looks so hot in a Batman suit! And she’s a policewoman so she’ll be able to protect you from the underpass killer.

But in the end, it wasn’t Batman who saved Julie. Although quite how beneficent her saviour will prove to be, I’m not quite sure.

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