This morning I woke up and I was so reluctant to get up that my body hurt.
One of the reasons for my increased busy-ness and lack of blogging recently is that I have really got into exercise. I feel quite cheated and frustrated now if I don’t do yoga, gym, run or dance each day. This summer I lost a lot of hair 😦 It’s just a natural part of getting older, but it has got me thinking that I might not always be young, but I can be strong.
Or as Lana Del Rey puts it:
(Totally perfect song to accompany The Great Gatsby. I always think that if she has to ask the question, then she knows that the answer’s “No”.)
My favourite exercise is the dance class that I do is every Friday, which is my friend Sophia’s 5RHYTHMs® class. I always feel a bit self conscious when I walk in, thinking “Am I comfortable identifying as a free-dancing hippy?” but after about 5 minutes, I’m totally into it. The music is fantastic, and leads you into the movements. The only thing I find difficult is partner dancing, which is an interesting revelation. We don’t have to dance together in any formal sense, just respond to the other person’s movement. The problem is that I am painfully conscious of the question of “what would my partner like me to do?” It mirrors the fact that I am always conscious of the way I have given way too easily to other people in the past; the only way I have of dealing with this is by turning away and saying No. Or sometimes I give way anyway and feel bad afterwards, although this is much rarer now. I haven’t got many ways of responding openly and easily other people’s needs.
It’s a work in progress.
The second reason for being away from my blog is that sometimes the LD#1 and I sit together, share a Malibu and coke (occasionally), and talk! I love this. We talk about ways she can cope with situations at school that she doesn’t like. I’m a firm believer in dealing with these situations by working out what it’s feasible, and not feasible to ask for, and then going for it. I really think that in most cases, people want to help, and people will respond if you ask for things in a reasonable way. Our most recent thing is a request for teachers not to ask her to talk in class. She finds talking so stressful. Or as I put it in my email to the school:
“Talking should come from being engaged with a subject, not for the sake of making a noise, or to fit in with what someone else wants.”
I got back the most lovely supportive email from R’s English teacher, agreeing that it was best to work around Rhiannon’s reluctance to speak, and describing how she does it. Apparently, she doesn’t even ask Rhiannon to answer during the register, recognising that it’s not necessary, and that Rhiannon will get there in her own time, when she is ready.
There’s a lot of talk about differentiation in schools these days, of tailoring each lesson to the different needs of your students. But as Rhiannon put it, differentiation is not about giving people the same work and expecting them to do it differently. I felt really moved that Rhiannon has teachers who take the time to treat her as a complete person.
The last reason for being busy is only very minor, timewise. And no, it’s not falling in love in that way, (sometimes I wonder if I ever will again, if I can be bothered) but last Thursday we battled through 45 minutes of accident-stopped traffic to view a three bedroomed flat above a shop on Lewes High Street. Since I can’t sell my house for what the estate agent said I would easily achieve, it doesn’t make sense for us to go ahead with the house we originally wanted to buy, much as we loved its Farrow and Ball colours. We all really loved that one, so the girls weren’t at all convinced by the idea of a different, cheaper place. But it had real charm! Unlike the other one, it has large windows and is full of light. By the end of the visit, they had started choosing their bedrooms. Me, I love the big rooms, and the idea that I’ll still have some money left over to do the bathroom and kitchen exactly the way I want them.
I am also changing estate agents, since the one I am currently with hasn’t sent anyway round to view my house for a few weeks. I phoned them up to cancel my contract (yes, I’m locked into a horrific 20 week contract, which runs out in 3 weeks, and I have to give 28 days’ notice to quit) and the day afterwards they left a message on my phone saying, “Could you phone us back because we’d like to know whether we can still sell you a mortgage?”
The cheek of it!!!